Two jokes...

An FBI agent was testifying in court:

"Do you trust your fellow FBI agents?"
"Yes sir, I'd trust them with my life."
"Is it true you have a changing room at your office?"
"Yes sir, it is."
"Is it true that you have personal lockers in your changing room?"
"Yes sir, it is."
"Is it true that you have locks on your lockers?"
"Yes sir, it is."
"If you're willing to go so far as to trust your fellow agents with your life, why don't you trust them with the contents of your locker?"
"It's not that, sir. You see, we in the same building with the U.S. District Attorneys - and sometimes they come into our locker room to use the toilet."


A guy goes to the Patent Office to apply for a job as a patent examiner:

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?' He says 'Yes - just caffeine.'
'Have you ever been in the service?'
'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'
The guy says, 'Yes IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'
The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?'
'This is a government job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.'


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